oh the month of June

well its been quite a roller coaster of a month. alright this is gonna be all over the place. this is my month so far: Three wedding anniversary 6/3 very nice (we bought tickets to go see Blink 182 and Weezer in sept), people who were laid off last Novemember @ Rite Aid got their jobs back, Kristina started school at Career Care Institute, decided to go to Disneyland on Kayj's 2nd bday, worked on some music with friends plus i wrote like 3 new songs this month, Kayj is so close to being potty trained, got new Life of Love tshirt and hat designs and some materials to work on those, had a nice relaxing father's day, and the most insane thing this month is...My sister in law is in the hospital since last saturday (6/20). She has really bad pnemonia in both of her lungs. For anyone who doesn't know, she has had cancer since she was like 9, she's 21 now. so she's lived pretty fricking long against the odds. but right now it is not looking so good. she isn't responding the anti biotics well. and all of her counts are low(blood pressure, potassium, calcium, etc), and i really am worried that this could be what we all thought would have already happened. I am not concerned a lot about my sister in law because i think she has beaten this thing more than anybody thought she ever would. whatever happens to her, i know is in God's hands, for better or worse in our eyes. I am really worried about my mother in law. she is an incredibly emotional person, and i know this is going to be the hardest thing she'll ever endure(and she has endured a lot). So please continue to pray for her and that we can be there for her to fall on and catch her. i honestly don't know if kaylynn(my sister in law, not my daughter) is going to live through the rest of this week. I understand that God has a purpose for all of this, but i am worried for those who don't share my same ideas about God. It sounds really bad to say, but this in the long run could be a relief for my mother in law. i think after time of grieve she will be ok. but i just really hope she lasts through that time of grieving. Please just continue to pray for them....

I tunes

music has changed in life. i've heard all these people complain about how the newest green day album sucks. i remember when i was in high school, going and buying american idiot the day it came out and not being really blown away by it. maybe this new green day is more of the same thing. i've only heard the latest single and its alright, could be the same as american idiot. did they really peak at their record Warning? maybe, warning was different than their previous work, but now its like, "hey skinny jeans, eye liner, ties, and songs about how we hate the bush administration= big album sales!" all these things are why bands are making music. i'm not saying that any music with these qualities is bad, i'm just saying that it has become so blah and trendy. i like to listen to one certain radio station but that station still plays alot of the same crap all day long rotating songs maybe in a few hours. it is in fact quite lame, but everyonce in awhile i will hear a new song or even a way old song that is just awesome. i guess i will just live on musical fantasms from the past and let new tunes in as i see fit. i just hope the new Blink 182 album isn't a dissapointment. X )

i wrote this several weeks ago, lost the internet, found it, and now i'm posting it

so kayj is walking behind me pretending to talk on her cell phone (one of my wife's old ones.) its quite funny. anyway, last nite i could not fall asleep so i was up until like 230 or so. not much fun, but i did download a bunch of podcasts and other stuff on my ipod. Man i realized how much technology is used everyday for me. Everyday i wake up by either an alarm on my cell phone or my ipod. I text or make phone calls mostly every day. I use my laptop regularly. i'm almost always listening to something on my ipod. its just crazy. thats not relevant to what i wanted to write about. I've had this weird feeling lately. i don't know how to describe it. Its not a feeling of emptiness, but its not a feeling of fullfillment. i feel like i'm just in a rough part of my life right now. Hopefully getting 40 hours in every week at, spending time with wife and daughter, spending some time to myself, and i feel like most of the time i put God last. I'm trying to make being a believer more of life. but i'm such a lazy and selfish person. i'm trying out some podcasts by some preacher and churches that interest me (Mark Driscoll, The Hillsong churches in London and Sydney, lou giglio, and a local church that i have never attended call Grace Chapel.) yesterday i listened to a whole message from Mark Driscoll about what it takes to be a man and a man's role in his marriage. I was really convicting and also got me thinking, which is a good thing. So i'm kinda deciding right now to take all of this technological time i spend and put that towards use. Its hard for me to sit down and read my bible. but for some reason its not to hard for me to sit down and read it off of my ipod touch. i love the church i go to, but i have heard the same pastor speak for the last 11 years and its kinda driving me crazy. so its kinda nice to hear other people's pastors on a podcast. this rut i'm  in also got me thinking, i'm happy with my life right now. but i'm not fullfilled by my life. i don't want to be rich at all, but i want to be able to take care of my family. i had this dream last night (actually this morning) where we lived somewhere near the beach. it was like San Luis Obispo or Santa Barbara or something. but i only remember one short scene in my dream. its just around sunset and i'm sitting down at the bottom of these steps that lead down right to like a walkway before the sand and the beach. And there is a light ambient music playing. kinda like a Jack Johnson song or something. And i felt at peace, i felt happy. i wonder if that is where my life will be at some point. i wasn't old or didn't look older in my dream. i just want to be on those steps in my life right on the beach, where peace is. i wonder if this is how my mind views Heaven. I dunno i guess thats another blog. Peace out

Life Of Love

well i got subscribed to this christian pop culture magazine called Relevant. Anyway it is really interesting, and it has totally got me thinking. it had an article about the current economic crisis in our country. It said the in 2009 without much money music, fashion, and artistic expression are going to have become far more creative. Very DIY(do-it-yourself). I think it was either in the current issue or on their website, they said that when the world of creation has been torn down, all that is left to do it rebuild stronger. That notion has really gotten my brain turning. I'm putting my foot back into music. Not for myself this time, for God. i don't really care about making money with my music. But i want to play for God, and be able to inspire someone else to do something creative and artistic for Him. My songs that i have aren't super complex or even that good, but i think they can make people feel things. And thats good enough for me. Plus i am starting my own kind of clothing line. Its called Love of Life. Its God, Music, and Love. i got a couple designs drawn out. very exciting. if anyone who reads this want to help with ideas, distribution, drawing, praying, scriptures, music, or anything i'd appreciate it. i'm out <....(thats a sideways peace sign, as to say"peace out")

God, music, sex, drugs, and booze

so alot of the time i find myself endlessly indulging in my Wikipedia addiction. well i today i searched for "contemporary christian music" and it had a little sub point about the controversy with this kind of music in some modern churches. It said that some churches didn't like the idea of having these kind of songs(not always hymns) played during their services because they associate it with rock and roll music. Basically because it can be played on a mainstream radio station it must have anything and everything to do with sex,  drugs, alcohol, and other forms of debotchery. Well i think that is a huge load of crap. First off God's love isn't exclusive, its extended to all of mankind. Whether it is returned is another story. But His love is for everyone, the addicts, the drug dealers, prostitutes, the children, the poor, the rich, the dirty and the clean. It really pisses me off to see such  hypocrisy in our world. During Christ's time on earth he spent his time at parties with prostitutes and tax collectors. it makes me think of how this relates to us today. At my job i work with a lot of gay people. I don't think homosexuality is the way God intended us to be. But things like prop 8 (which in all its complications i agree with). I don't want my little daughter to grow up in a world of  sin where homosexuality is the norm. i don't think it is. but on the other hand, if u have a vote yes on Prop 8 bumper sticker on the back of your car and a gay person sees that i think they would feel like you absolutely hate them. i don't hate the gay people that i work with. in fact, i would call some of them my friends. they are maybe nicer(in the world's eyes,  they "good people") people than some straight people i know. but in my mind i guess that doesn't change the fact of what God has told me that they are living in sin. I fight with myself in my head about this a lot. How can i be against sin, when i feel that hating sin makes me hate the sinful. i get uncomfortable at work sometimes when guys talk about some girl that they want to have sex with. i'm like how can you show absolutley no respect for that women. For another human being for that matter. Some of these guys are married and have kids and all they talk about is their next screw. I feel like they have no respect for anyone but themselves. They sure don't care about their wives, their kids, and they damn sure don't care about the girl they want. This world makes me so sick sometimes...longest rant (i mean blog) ever...

the day after yesterday

so yesterday was my birthday. it was pretty good. i chilled at home with Kayj till Kristina got home. then kristina's mom babysat for us. We went down to the valencia mall cuz we both had $100 gift cards to macy's so we wanted to spend them. Now Macy's has this machine that sells like ipod, zunes, dvds, and video game stuff. And i had intended to buy a new ipod touch. we look around and finally find this super vending machine and its sold out of ipod touch's. so i was kinda bummed but decided i'd sell my gift card to my mom and go get a touch from best buy. but we kept shopping and then we went to claimjumpers. It was pretty nice, the one in santa clarita is way nicer than the one in palmdale. got some grub, got a little booze, got a lot of dessert(very provacative desserts to say the least). and then we went home. so yeah it was a pretty fun bday, nothing big or anything. my mom bought me a long board, which i took out today. i was seriously like a little kid with a new bike. i rode around rosamond for like an hour or so. it felt really good, and tiring. so yeah thats my new form of exercise. please don't hit with your car if u see me on the side of the road. i'm gonna go to best buy and circuit city tomorrow to look for an ipod. so i'm very much looking forward to tomorrow. so....yeah....i'm out

-(steve)

Somethings that havent died yet

so yeah, i just remembered i had this blog. so its been like six months since i last posted. Well lots have changed in six months, sort of. Well as of august i switched to working days at the warehouse i work in. and as of this month i had to switch back to working nights, which sucks. Kayj is 16 months or now, for the mathematically challenged that means she is a few months over 1 year old. which i think is pretty friggin cool. Yeah she does the whole toddler thing now; walks, talks nonsense, dances, gets really pissed off, and is even starting potty training. But yeah other than her and work, not much is new. My b-day is tomorrow and i'm pretty stoked about that. Me and the wife are just going to claimjumpers and the valencia mall. Yeah, the big 22. peace out